I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT

Writing this post has been running through my mind for the past few days. Do I celebrate it? Do I forget it? The day that changed my life. The day I was diagnosed with cancer, at a young age of 19! Bloody 19! It seems so long yet not so long ago, if that makes any sense. Cancer, really, me? I still feel baffled by it all on this very day. A teenager working on a business career and getting drunk at the weekend, normal me spending time with my wonderful, happy family and looking forward to a holiday I booked with the girls. 
That day, four years ago, I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT. 

So much has happened and changed in these past 4 years, I have lost a lot but also gained so much. I have lost a part of me, beautiful friends and a physical loss but at the same time I have gained a lot of friends, experience, support and memories. 
Having a cancer diagnosis has been a rough little journey, a constant feeling of happy one minute and sad the next. I still suffer with getting my head around how I had to fight for my life and how hard it is getting used to this new, normal me. 
Some people just float on and forget about cancer and everything that happened. For me, I can't forget about it, so I embrace my journey and experience, which is why I share it with you on here and work in fundraising to raise awareness of charities and cancer in young people.
I find it hard to forget about because now I have involved myself in the cancer world. A community which is very loving and supportive yet very hard and emotionally draining. 
There just isn't a happy medium. Cancer is an emotional battle and having all the treatment and being in hospital for 8 months was the easiest part, it's being alive and surviving that is the hardest part. Something that keeps me going is feeling blessed that I am still alive and well. 
I believe that everything happens for a reason and for some reason, I was given that awful news, which has shaped the person I am today and I wouldn't change it. 
That's a lie, I would like to change some things! Stopping pain, fatigue and chemo brain and for there to be a cure for cancer. My diagnosis has given me so many opportunities I couldn't imagine of ever experiencing if I wasn't involved in the cancer bubble. I am forever grateful of the amazing support from all the fantastic charities that are out there. Without generous people donating, there would be little support and care for young people like me! 
I am looking forward to another year being cancer free and  celebrating 4 years post stem cell transplant on 29th November this year. Happy days!!

ROAD TRIP PLAYLIST

 

It has always been a dream of mine  to rent a car  in America and road trip across the beautiful country exploring and admiring the gorgeous views. One that's always crossed my mind is the historic Route 66 road trip, starting in the beautiful Californian city, L.A. Wouldn't it be amazing to explore a country in a rented car, listening to some great music. Turo has personal touches just like this, as well as listing your car and rent someone else's, some rides come equipped with some tunes to set the mood for you so renters feel as though they are making your experience that little bit more special. You can check out their website and see more about them at https://turo.com/ 

My taste of music is extremely varied, from old soul to new RnB I could be belting out to a bit of Stevie Wonder one minute and classically singing along to the Les Miserables soundtrack the next. 

Here is my perfect road trip playlist, not in an order just some of my favourite songs to sing, dance and just chill to in the car. 
Otis Redding - Try a little tenderness
This is a song that I just can't help but sing along to, a very slow start to the song but soon speed up during the chorus where you can involve a bit of shoulder shaking.
Stevie Wonder - Master blaster
I am such a huge fan of Stevie and honestly any of his songs can get me into the mood of singing and dancing but this has to be by far my favourite. I don't know half of the lyrics or I like to think I do and make a lot of them up but the beat of the song is enough to instantly put me in a happy mood
Destiny's Child - Survivor 
Such a girls in the car song, honestly if this song come on in my car me and the girls know every single word to it and even include our amazing head tapping moves. It is one of those classic songs everyone loves and knows of. 
Mumford and Sons - Babel
Being my favourite band, I couldn't leave mumford and sons out of my playlist could I? I would happily listen to all of their albums during my road trip but thought a variety of songs would be nice. Babel is definitely another dance in the car song, or maybe more of a gentle head bang. 
Jay Z and Alicia Keys - Empire state of mind
New York! This song definitely fits the American road trip theme and is 'my song' it's one of those that plays everywhere I go/travel to, I am completely awful at rapping Jay-Z's part It is certainly on the road trip playlist. 

Time for more of a mellow mood as we are watching the sun set, but my perfect road trip, however crazy wouldn't be complete without a few mellow songs just to feel relaxed and appreciate beautiful surroundings. 
Ben Howard - Keep your head up
James Bay - Running 
Seafret - Oceans
Adele - Hometown glory
What would be your perfect road trip playlist? I would love to hear your favourite songs to drive along to. 

FESTIVAL WEDDING

My Auntie got married last week and had a festival themed wedding, they had it in a field and everyone camped in tents or vans. Everything festival themed, they had it! Hay bales, a marquee, live music, very posh porter loo's which I was so happy about, a cocktail ice cream van, which made me even more happier. Everybody had a brilliant day/night. The wedding started by guest surrounding the bride and groom in a circle, sat on hay bales. They said their vows and then after planted a tree together, then celebrations began with live music in the marquee, we had fish and chips to eat from a local fish and chip van, the cornish codfather which had the most delicious fish I have ever tasted. Then the night continued and lots of cocktails were drank from cecil on ice cocktail van, they were so tasty, and strong but so good I think I drank about 5 of them..oops! What a brilliant idea, having a cocktail/ice cream van, I did come up with a brilliant business idea to run one in my home town, Plymouth either on the Barbican or the Hoe, great idea don't you think!? After a brilliant evening and lot of dancing I finally crashed in the tent to sleep!

It was amazing, definitely one of the best wedding's I have been to! 

FEELING A LITTLE LOST

I feel like I have lost a little bit of myself recently, I cannot put my finger on it but I feel a lot more stressed at times and feel I need to let myself relax more. I worry an awful lot about the smallest crap and have lost a little of my positive mind. I find myself feeling wound up a lot and being angry isn't healthy at all. 

I am however working on this and it sounds totally random but I started swimming a few weeks ago, which I absolutely love and it makes me feel relaxed. I enjoy helping others out, spending time with family and friends but also forget how nice it is to spend time alone, tucked up in my little room in our family home. 

I used to write a lot more, enjoy it more and used to feel great after writing and posting, almost in a therapeutic way and I feel that I have lost that feeling. 

I tend to keep myself constantly busy so I don't over think about anything, I am not unhappy but feel I need to wind down a little more in my own little bubble. 

I should be feeling over the moon, after al the shit I have faced, I am cancer free and alive and mostly feeling great, I have amazing family and friends and live a happy life!
 I still feel fatigued at times but it happens a lot less nowadays. 
I need a focus and at the moment it is working on a charity event for Wig Wednesday which I am putting a lot of my time and effort into and should be a successful event. 

MY MONTH IN PHOTOS | APRIL

April is the busiest month of the year for me. It is most of my family members birthdays so I have spent most of my time seeing family and eating out A LOT which surprisingly I didn't take any photos of! Not good considering it's nearly summer! 

Iv'e wanted to visit Paignton Zoo for ages and we decided for my brother's birthday to visit this month. I love going to the zoo, i'm such a child at heart! 
 The little ones enjoyed it and even baby Autumn was given a little sticker. 

This month I joined a new volunteering group with CLIC Sargent called young person's reference group. I used to be involved in the young persons advisory group, the involvement is very similar and activities involve helping make decisions about the future of CLIC Sargent and giving feed back as a service user of the charity. 

In the school holiday week, I took Ella and Esme to crealy which is a mini adventure park for younger children. Me and my cousin enjoyed it just as much as them. 

We had our Plymouth Half Marathon this month and for the past 3 years, CLIC Sargent have been the charity for the school challenge, where schools participate over 12 weeks and run the last few hundred meters on the day of the half marathon. This year we had 2,600 school children running and raising money for the charity. It was such a busy, exciting, fulfilled day and very heart warming to witness all the amazing people running for lots of different, brilliant charities. Even the storm troopers were supporting us! 

 Some cute little photos of my favourite girls, love them!

 The weather has been really shit this month, we had had the odd sunny day. I'm really surprised because this time last year, I already had a little bit of a tan and today i'm looking really pale and white. We went for a dog walk on the beach and Esme decided to build a bridge using rocks, she would have happily stayed there all day if we could.